There is a way out!
Well, I really have neglected this blog for a while, but maybe it's time I was more dilligent about posting.
This really is not the greatest time for me to pick it back up, but really, that's the whole purpose of my blog.
It's been sneaking back up on me, and i've been fighting it...but depression is trying to get a strangle grip around my neck again.
I say my neck because it cuts off my circulation which makes me quite lethargic and sleepy...which more than anything, is what i am fighting.
It started a few weeks ago. I had so much energy (which looking back was probably a mild hypomanic swing, because that's what it looks like w/ my bipolar symptoms) and I was getting great projects done around the house. Lots of painting, organizing, etc. I really am not a lazy person although I struggle w/ periods of non-activity.
Then my tasks started to get less easy, and I had to put mental effort into them and break them into smaller pieces. I told myself to get one thing done and I obeyed! Then I would tell myself to do something else. That's the point really, is that I started having to tell myself to get things done.
Then a week and a half ago or two I was starting my cycle. I felt really tired but and completely lethargic but I marked it off as all due to my menstrual cycle. And during it, I had to take numerous shots for my migraines and felt like I had been hit by a mac truck, but I slated that as due to the medications.
So when my cycle ended and I didn't return to my great old self, I began to realize that there may be more to this than mere sluggish-ness. In fact yesterday the ODDEST thing happened. I was having coffee with a friend and all of a sudden it felt like I had taken two percocet. My hearing was like it was in stereo and then as it subsided I felt like I was floating. My friend was really worried about me driving home, and honestly, I was too. But I have driven on percocet before, and I didn't have the kids with me, nor was it very far to go.
So I canceled all my plans for the day and drove home, VERY CAREFULLY!
I don't think I got anything done.
Thankfully, my husband doesn't care what state I'm in as long as I'm not in pain. So I guess that's a good thing.
I'm tempted to wait and talk to my doctor about it if it gets worse. But why would I want to feel worse?
I'm tempted to wait things out, because my downward spin always goes upward. So, if it stays this mild and my thinking doesn't get low, I could try to wait it out.
The plus to starting an anti-depressant is that I could start one that's helpful with pain and it could help my migraines.
The minus is that there's usually weight gain involved and I fear I've already put on a bit of weight. I know I have over the past half dozen months, but I fear I've put on more since the first of the year. If I start to feel really bad I will not have a choice, weight or no I have to take care of myself.
But, if this turns out to be mild like it has been and short lived, I may be able to get by w/out it.
Decisions, decisions.
But today I've just been fighting it....
New Questions
> 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? nope, i am an original!
> 2. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? nope
> 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I've seen better...
> 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? roast beef
>
> 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? one girl and two boys
> 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I hope so.
>
> 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? what do you think??? :)
> 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
>
> 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No way, no how!
>
> 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? fruit loops but i really don't eat them anymore
> 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? yes, but pretty much all of my shoes are slip ons, mom's don't have time to tie...
> 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? no, but i must be to put up w/ the crap i have to...
> 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? tillamook chocolate peanut butter
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Expression.
>
> 15. RED OR PINK? red is my favorite color...
> 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my health
>
> 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my grandmother
>
> 18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? i am not sending this, i'm posting it...
> 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Not wearing pants! grey sweats and no shoes
> 20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? cracklin' bran w/ blueberries and rice milk
> 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? regis and kelly in the other room
> 22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? red, duh!
> 23. FAVORITE SMELLS? cow poop....long story...
> 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? monika from an interior design store in town
> 25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? yes but i haven't seen her since high school
>
> 26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? my kids playing soccer
> 27. HAIR COLOR? Brownish blackish
> 28. EYE COLOR? Hazel.
>
> 29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes
> 30. FAVORITE FOOD? thai food
> 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings.
>
> 32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? cast away
> 33. COLOR OF SHIRT YOU ARE WEARING? red
> 34. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer
> 35. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses, but depends on whose doing the hugging or the kissing...
>
> 36. FAVORITE DESSERT? chocolate peanut butter cheesecake
>
> 37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? really don't know who reads this blog anymore... suzanne r???
> 38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
> 39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Easy Thai
> 40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one...
> 41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Supernanny
> 42. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND? the birds that have returned this spring
> 43. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? thailand
> 44. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? photography
>
> 45. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? longview, washington
> 46. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Everybody - it's fun to learn new things about my friends.
There is a couple at my church that performs songs and puppetry at public schools called Cowboy Buck and Elizabeth. So one of the things we did was visit a Thai Christian School of 2100 kids. The photo here is of an 8th grade English class that Papa D and I visited.
They were totally your typical teenagers! It was great. In working with the kids I found how important it is to have a native English speaker teaching them English. That's one of the reasons that Western teachers are so sought after in college programs, especially. We learned that we could get a job overnight in a University just with a Bachelor's degree. And, since Papa D and I both have them (I am 12 credits shy of my Master's in Ed.), we came home dreaming of working in Thailand!!
When we got done in our English class, we got back to the performance area and saw this sight! We were so shocked to see shy Meyers D standing in front of 400-500 kids singing songs she had just learned! We were so proud of her boldness!!
One of the things I loved most about visiting the school, was seeing so many of the kids wearing their traditional tribal clothing. That was so marvelous and impressive, as well as important. I'm sure that I've expressed this already. But one of the things that I feel is so critical in Thailand, is for the tribal people to hold onto their culture and traditions as they begin to assimilate more into the modern culture. When I go back to Thailand, either short term or longterm, this would be one of my focuses and missions in encouraging the tribal children to not abandon their culture.
This is just a slice of some of the tribal dress you would see in Northern Thailand.
I leave you with some of my favorite pictures taken at the school.
*Karen child with Joe & Terry
So back to the New Life Center girls...
The girls go to school in shifts, with some going during the morning and others during the evening. So we went there twice!
The second time we went there we met this young lady. She was super confident. She grabbed me right away and showed me her tribal dress that she had emoroidered HERSELF!! Wow! I was impressed by her character. I think she has serious leadership qualities. Just another reason why these young ladies need to be encouraged to pursue their degrees AND go back to their tribes to be involved in helping their culture to survive in today's world.
The girls put on a dance with dresses from all of their different tribes. Their dresses were wonderful and I took portraits of all of them and put them on flickr. These girls' lives would have told very different stories if they had not made it to the safety of the New Life Center.
I asked the girls to show me their sleeping quarters. They are squished in like little sardines with a blanket pad to sleep on. Most of them do not have pillows but a few have stuffed animals to lay their heads on. They also have some quilts.
Clearly, roy and lori here fell in love with these great girls, as we all did! What survival stories they all must have. Perhaps after we learn Thai we can hear them all....
Next on our trip was a visit to the New Life Center. It is a home for Thai tribal girls who were going to be sold into prostitution. The girl whose hands are featured here was about 6 years old when she was sent out of her village to work in order to send money home to her family. She worked as a housekeeper, in an orange grove, until when she was about 12 her mother and step-father informed her that she was going to be sold into the sex industry.
She escaped back to a nun whom she had met earlier in her life who sent her to a friend that employed her as a housekeeper. Eventually she was led to the New Life Center where she began to learn Thai and was sent to school. It is the foundation's hope that she will make the choice to go to High School and eventually college. However, many of these girls want to stop their education's before high school so that they can send money home to their families. Often times, these are the very families that were going to sell them.
The girls here were all so wonderful. We took them some food supplies that were paid for, in part, by the donation's raised by the sales of my 2007 calendars.
Also, a few of them dressed in their tribal clothing and performed a cultural dance for us; followed by two of our teenagers who put on a hip hop dance for them!
The girls were very wonderful and sweet. Besides attending school, the girls practice their tribal art of embroider and sell their products to raise money for the Center. This also helps them to learn a trade which can promote the cultural practices of their individual tribe. That is a fact I just love!
Also, we met the neighbor girl to the Center. At first I thought she was six years old. But upon looking at her more closely, she has the body of a young lady and I discovered she is 14 years old! Also, she is deaf. She knows how to read and write very little so her communication skills are quite limited. She really captivated me, even before I knew her circumstances. I really wish she could be helped, so I am praying for her and wondering what services she is getting in Thailand and how she could be helped...(she is the shortest girl in the picture & her name means orange!)
I will write more about these fantastic young ladies in my next post.
I am remodeling my kitchen and my computer is unplugged so I will write more when I can!
Please contact the blog administrator (cameradawktor@yahoo.com) for permission to print any pictures.
