I have been struggling so much lately with my Faith. I haven't been reading the Bible for a long time. I think it's because much of my Faith has been based on (probably incorrectly based on) what God can do for me. Since I haven't seen the results I've expected, it's made for a very shakey faith.
It occurred to me yesterday during my pastor's teaching, that perhaps what my Faith should be based on is the end result. The Bible says this:
Revelation 5:9 (the angels are singing):And they sang a new song:
'You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because ou were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.'
5:11 Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:
'Worthy is the Lamb (Jesus) who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!'
5:13 Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:
'To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!'
The four living creatures said, 'Amen' and the elders fell down and worshiped.
~My pastor was talking about how in heaven, thousands and millions and billions of people will be worshiping Jesus.
It occured to me that my true purpose in life, the destination I should ASPIRE to, my goal, perhaps shouldn't be to function well here on this earth and accomplish this and that thing, but that my ultimate purpose is in heaven. What that will look like is to be one of the millions and billions of people worshiping before Jesus.
It doesn't mean that what I am/do/think/become, etc. on this earth isn't important, it just was a realization of what my ultimate goal could be. And, if this was my ultimate goal, my thinking would be much different than it is now. I've been quite angry and irritated with my current state of health. I feel that if I felt better now that I could enjoy life more, do more, see more, become more, etc. And I long for it to the point of anger.
I'm not saying that's bad or wrong. It just occured to me as he was talking about heaven, that since that's my ultimate destination, it would make sense that it's my ultimate purpose. And then, it occured to me that if this is my ultimate purpose (which I never think about), how would it change my life, my thinking, my emotions if that became my focus. Not how I feel now, but what my role is then.
I don't know if this makes sense, but it's just a shift in thinking. It's not how I think now, it's just something I think I should explore.
All I know is that my life doesn't match up with what I want or desire. No matter how hard I try I can't make that happen. I'm striving after something I can't attain.
Perhaps I should try thinking about something that WILL be instead of something I hope COULD be.
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