Zombie Boy

Zombie Boy
Originally uploaded by ajrpix.

Do ya ever feel like this?

* you know this ain't my picture, but when i saw this i favorited it, because i just feel like this kid sometimes.* please click the link and check this dude's other photos out.**

Do ya ever feel like just when you get your head above water, something tries to suck ya back down to the bottom of the ocean?

I AM SO FLIPPING FRUSTRATED!!!

I have this neurologist that i saw for the migraines, and he wanted to see me in two months. that should be NEXT WEEK. but no, they couldn't get me an appointment until SEPT. 7th.

UGH!

the meds he gave me (lamictal) has helped my mood (which is a good thing since the birth control pills were making me go INSANE!) but has not helped the headaches.

so the nice guy that he is, he says i'm a candidate for BOTOX. the insurance company approved it over almost two weeks ago. that is a MAJOR EVENT!

here's my problem. i said, "so when can i come in for you to do it?"

"OH, well the procedure shouldn't take very long so maybe we can squeeze you in somewhere."

that was 9 days ago. 7 days ago i called back and said, "did you find out when you can get me in?"

"i'll talk to the dr. and see when he wants you to come and I WILL CALL YOU BACK. you will hear from me so just wait until i call."

THAT WAS A FUCKING WEEK AGO.

so today i am very nice. "Hello," i say trying to sound sweet.

"oh, you are calling about the botox?" she said.

"yes, i was just wondering if there's a time that I can come in."

"well, i haven't heard from the dr. yet...."

"so you just want me to wait until my appointment on sept. 7th?

"well the plan was that i will call you when i know and i don't know yet, so i will call you when i know."

"well, was he on vacation or something?"

"he was in......yesterday,....but he was very busy, so when he sends me a message I will call you."

"allright, fine." click.

so i sit here on the computer checking my flickr site, seeing how my pics are doing. the longer i sit the more anxious i feel myself stirring inside.

i am trying, TRYING to tell my dr.'s that i need help, and trust that they WANT to help me.

this neurologist is very nice. he was more than nice, he was kind.

but this feels like torture to me.

doesn't it sound a little like dangling the fricking carrot in front of the starving horses mouth?

ARGH.

I just want to pretend i don't feel this way. distract myself with some mindless activity and pretend that I don't want to cry.

but that's bullshit.

and bullshit is just one thing that i am way too freaking tired of.