this photo is by my flickr friend and contact jagrump. please click the link to go to this photo or any of her other photos. she is my friend and i couldn't get this pic in any other way. i'm sure she won't mind as i'm giving her credit. although i did find the rock, she just took the picture!
o.k., here's the scoop!
last night while making dinner i get a phone call from dr. no botox (well the nurse anyway) wanting to schedule a botox treatment for next week. immediately i start having symptoms of anxiety and can't think really well. i know, or am fairly certain, that my referral to him got nixed when i asked to see the dr. who specializes specifically in headache & migraine, but i make an appt. anyway to cover my butt.
i mean, i deserve that after being strung along for 3+ mos.
but when i get off the phone, i start stressing because i have no referral, and how could i get one in time? i'm convinced i have to cancel, and this could possibly waste his $250 precious dollars that he's so concerned about. and, she will probably ask why i'm not going to see him anymore, which causes more anxiety because i want to yell all the things i'm mad about, but then don't want to be labeled a looney tune.
so i really get in a funk, bad mood, stressed, worried, anxious. just the yucks.
until i start filling out the incredibly detailed questionaire from dr. swsih&m (get the initials?) i realize that this guy's going to be REAL thurough, something i've been needing and wanting.
gosh wait, can i actually get some hope in someone helping me? alas....
so by the time i go to bed i have calmed down and feel much better.
wake up @ 5 a.m. to go to dr. swsih&m who is 1+ hr. away + morning traffic. but on the way i start feeling anxiety again because should i ask him if he thinks i should get botox? and how will i get a referral in time? and what will i have to tell dr. no botox's nurse about why i don't want to see him anymore?....
i get in the appt. and he starts asking me REALLY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS. i am a little stressed because i want to make sure i'm answering right. because if i don't answer to clearly communicate what's going on, how can he help me? some things are hard to describe and there were so many medications to remember and how i responded to treatment...and what mg's was i taking with each one?
at one point he did not understand what i was trying to say and maybe i was insecure, but i got the impression he thought i was an idiot.
actually, after a while, i realize that he didn't think that i was an idiot. he gave me a few compliments about how i did so i felt reassured. fortunately the hubs went w/ me and spoke up about botox. he said i should DEFINITELY try it and that he personally would request another referral.
so, next thrs @ 1:15 pm i will get shot up w/ pig crap, or whatever they make that stuff out of. anyway, if it works for me, and i continue regular injections, it will be as my cool friend ian suggested, i will be the hottest looking 60 year old grandma (eventually) because i will be wrinkle free.
now that's something to look forward to, is it not?
also, i am still in limbo w/ the two meds i feel are interacting w/ each other, because i don't go back for another month. he will review everything i told him and read thuroughly through my medical chart.
*which by the way, has to be FREAKING HUGE!!!*
and make a definitive diagnosis. from there he will make decisions about how we will proceed.
(so skip over this part if you are a man or are particularly queasy about womanly stuff...)
the sucky part is i will have to bleed everyday for a month until i go back. right now it's pretty bad so i hope it will simmer down. at least i am feeling much better than i was.
in all respects, i should be miserable right now with the nature of my problems, but this past week, i have been breezing through. of course it hasn't been perfect but considering past history, it's been remarkable.
my friend stephjaychrisben asked if all the walking/exercise has been helping. i answered yes, i think it has. virtually 7x week for 5 or so weeks, @ 2 miles a day or more.
man, you should see my calves, they are getting rock hard in such a short time. wahoo! (nice to see results)
my pain clinic meeting went well this afternoon too, so much doesn't apply to me except that i share similar emotions w/ everyone else. but it was mentioned to me that 45 min. away there is an accupuncture place, that when you attend a group session, only costs $20. so it's something i might want to try in a few months, especially if it doesn't seem that the botox has helped.
these things i would never know about if i didn't go to the pain clinic, so it's worth my time. besides, it will reflect in my medical charts that i am trying, that i'm not a hypochondriac or a complete whack job.
*because i am convinced across my files that it says in big yellow letters (because i like yellow)
BEWARE, THIS WOMAN IS A COMPLETE WHACK JOB!
in answer to the question of the title to this post:
today i am very happy. i am encouraged, i dare to trust, i dare to hope and am quite ready to be thankful for such a small favor...to be taken seriously and listened to.