SPF & i'm now blogging in beta!!

you heard it right folks, i am now blogging in BETA!!!!

this week's SPFhas no thing. Kristine wants us to post our support, our sacrifice and something red.

1)my support:
I was going to say my husband supports me (yada, yada..everyone will say that right?) but i should probably show something that i/we help with that's philanthropic. so........we are going to Thailand in January. we, meaning my hubs, daughter and i. our church supports an orphanage for children that come from the hill tribes of northern thailand. some are orphans, some have only one parent, but all cannot go to school in this remote area. so some live there just for that. we will visit these children, some young women escaping a future life of prostitution who are going to school for the first time, some young people who our church members are paying for their high school and college educations and an old woman who takes in anyone. since i haven't been there yet, i don't have my own photo to post so here's one i've borrowed from the web. please go view this, many of the tribal children we will see are from the Karen tribe who populate northern thailand and burma. http://flickr.com/photos/ciskatobing/74309359/

2)my sacrifice: last sunday was our church picnic and baptism gathering @ a private residence on the Columbia River. it is an annual event, but i have never attended. a man that i used to attend youth group with in high school was getting baptized, and i was very excited about that. in my zealousness for getting the perfect shot of this special event, i forgot my cell phone was in my pocket. right after he went under and came back up, these big waves started hitting the shore and jostled us around. that was pretty cool....anyway...on my pastor's advice i let my cellphone dry out before i powered it back up. it works, barely, and i have no more screen! but at least i can make and recieve calls! to see his baptism photos you will have to go to my flickr page, but here's my favorite one of the set.
this is what it's all about

3)something red:
need i say more? *red has always been my favorite color!

Did you play?

5 weird things about me...

Lawanda has tagged me for the weird me meme.

Here are the rules: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Then, those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Dont forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!

I tag: Jana, Donna K, Alison Koh, Sthrn by Grace and Tee.

Weird Fact #1: i love peanut butter. i put peanut butter and white cream cheese on my bagels. i eat peanut butter & syrup on my french toast, waffles and pancakes. i like peanut butter and apples, and chocolate peanut butter ice cream. my hubs think it is WEIRD to eat peanut butter in the morning, but any hour of the day is fine with me!

Weird Fact #2: i hate ironing. my husband has to dress nice for work everyday, he works for our county and has a desk job. he doesn't have to wear a suit and tie, but dress pants and shirts. I DO NOT IRON THEM! he has finally resorted to buying wrinkle free everything as he was going to work with wrinkley clothes WAY TOO OFTEN! it's probably not weird to hate ironing but weird to let your hubs go to work looking like a slob!

Weird Fact #3: i love the smell of gasoline, rubber cement, permanent markers and white out. when i was really little i used to go with my dad to the gas station and hang my head out the window while he filled up! when i was in grade school i used to sniff the rubber cement during Camp Fire Girl Meetings. When i was in High School i could sometimes be caught sniffing my white out!

for proof, go to stephjaychrisben's photo of me in high school here: http://flickr.com/photos/51753925@N00/202560159/

Weird Fact #4: i hate flossing my teeth. i never do it!

Weird Fact #5: i plant flowers and never water them.

O.K., i hope you'll play too!

on being thankful

Water Balloon
Originally uploaded by 3rd foundation.
so being thankful is something i'm not that good at. it's surely not an automatic response, as it rarely occurs.

and this most beautiful lady was teaching tonight at church. the kind that makes you want to barf. the kind that looks like she has NO problems....but then i have to remember that she's a PERSON and all people have PROBLEMS!

anyway, she was talking about being thankful, and i was thinking...yah right lady. go ahead and be thankful!

but then tonight happened.

i don't know if i have ever come right out and said it before, but i have been diagnosed bipolar II. there's a lot i could say about that, but won't. what i do want to say, is that it can be awfully hard to live with someone whose emotions are more powerfully expressed and driven more strongly than most. it can be awfully hard to experience these pressingly strong emotions. it can be awfully hard to have a parent or a child whose moods fluctuate and aren't always based in logic or reason.

so why would that make me thankful?

because i have a husband that sees me TRYING even if i am imperfect or fail miserably.

because i have a husband that forgives some sometimes severe abuse i throw his way.

because i have children that are beautiful, smart, compassionate and caring.

because i can understand people that others are confused by.

because even though i sometimes experience negative emotions in a very powerful way, i can experience good ones in a similarly intense manner.

because i can be absorbed by things that interest me and get lost in the imaginative creative thoughts of my mind.

because i have found a passion in photography again which has allowed me to find beauty and art in everyday things.

because i know i can hate God, be angry with him, call him names, tell him to *F! off and that he understands and is patient with me, and knows i have faith to withstand my anger and confusion with him.

because i love people, and people need to be loved.

because i can make mistakes, and still be forgiven.

because the more i try, the better i get. that old habits can be broken and new, better behaviors can become more automatic.

because i can be.......thankful that is, even if life is messy.


First Day of Kindergarten

looks like he survived his first day of kindergarten
today it was official! all three of my kids are in school! i had a morning free to myself and i didn't even have to pay a babysitter.


the kids were so excited this morning. especially the boys. they could hardly contain themselves! all three got to eat breakfast @ school, as meyers d had to be there early for safety patrol.

after i dropped them off i went to get starbucks for big daddy p's mom and i. the principal was hosting a coffee klatch for all the parents to visit with each other. but we didn't want the regular brew!

afterwards, i came home and got the dog and went for a walk. there's a walking path about a mile from my house. there's also a 4 mile lake in the middle of town. so my plan is to start walking every morning after they go to school.

no more excuses for not exercising! it has always been because of the kids, and now that i have FREE babysitting, no more excuses for me!

soon i will be starting a flickr set of photos of things i see on my walks. and, it will be good exercise for the dog.
get the tissues out - all three of my kids are in school now
meet the teacher night & meyer d's first time @ doing safety patrol
she wouldn't be a REAL kindergarten teacher if she wasn't blurry at this stage of the morning


the longest beach in the world

the parade of flags
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.
well, the longest beach in the world just hosted the largest kite festival in the world! we had a great time in longbeach, washington for my birthday!

there were lots of people, but it wasn't as crazy as i thought it was going to be.

i can't believe that i have never gone to this event before. it was so fabulous, and such marvelous weather for us.

as soon as we got on the boardwalk, i told max-ay to look for his friend big daddy p and his family. of course, this was just to keep him occuppied because it wasn't like we were actually going to bump into them with all the thousands of people. well we no more than got on the stairs to start the approach on the beach and big daddy p comes running up!

that was a super fabulous surprise. so we met back up with them in the evening, went to their little vacation house and had hot dogs and watched the fireworks together before heading back home.


as soon as we got on the beach, we were so hungry that even meyers d and i resorted to eating cold hot dogs! blaugh! but they were delish!

we went and looked at all the booths with things for sale, and found that the Illwaco HighSchool sports team was raising money for athletics by selling dinners. we got 4lbs. of steamer clams for $20 and an ear of super buttery corn each. i haven't posted those pics yet up on flickr but i'll let you know when i do!

we saw the world's record holder kite flyer man who is over 80 years old. he has a smokin' hot tan, so old ladies, watch out! still am working on those pics too.

all in all, it was definitely one of my top ten bdays of all time, if not higher. flying in a 4 seater plane to go to dinner in Scapoose, Oregon, flying home at sunset....that had to be #1, but this comes pretty dang close to that!

finding friends at the beach is always a pleasant surprise


this is how i look on the morning i've turned thirty-five

so today's my thirty-fifth birthday. last night my parents took us to dinner at a mexican restaraunt. it was really great! papa d and i shared shrimp fajita and tse had quesadilla, while the other two had beef burritos.

poppies (my dad) bought 3 quacamoles to go with the chips & salsa they brought us. max-ay was running out and said, "I want more mockamole!" it was pretty funny.

after dinner i got up out of my chair, tse gave me a BIIIIIGGGG hug and said, "you're sweet.......AND SOUR!"

don't ask me where they get this stuff, really!

at bedtime when they said their prayers, max-ay and meyers d both prayed for me and thanked God that i was born. now how stinkin' sweet is that?!

this morning i laid in bed about as long as is humanly possible for me, got attacked by my kids and hubby, downloaded the pics off my memory card, posted this and a few other birthday dinner pics on flickr and now we are off to the store.

going to buy some hot dogs, buns, s'more supplies, doughnuts (for my birthday breakfast), starbucks coffee (because i DESERVE it) and head off to long beach, washington to see the kite festival. only a little over an hour away and i don't think we've ever been. should be fabulous, besides the thousands of people and kits, for playing and taking hundreds of pictures. whoopee! sounds like heaven to me.........


Glorious Heaven on Earth - Rialto Beach, Washington

self-portrait @ low tide
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.
this is soooo way long overdue. sorry folks. i've been flickering my photos (amongst laundry and getting kids ready to start school next week). i've had a couple make it to explore so i've been having fun tracking that!
Fairy Tale Island
this photo has had 380 views in like two days. i've never had a photo do that well, that fast. here's the other:
Random Zen-Like Art

anywho, on with camping.

it was a four hour trip from our home and we left at 4:30 a.m. the kids were so great about it, and only TSE slept on the way, they were just too jacked up!

i had iced my leg and knee @ bedtime and taken some tylenol. i was a little sore after walking a mile but took some more tylenol. after that, i was A OK!

also, no headaches, not even pills to ward one off. woohoo! really, since my trip to the doctor for i.v. meds, i've only had to treat two headaches and they've gone away right away. could i be onto something here? i dare not think about it!!!

so the kids were loaded up with their packs and looking super cute. they had such good attitudes about packing stuff!
must have's for backpacking: $1 hat and big walking stick

the first day was heavy with sea fog, but near dusk, the fog started to burn off and the most amazing rocks began to appear, that we couldn't see earlier! also, we had a spectacular sunset.

sunset 2

we camped right above the high tide mark, and were able to have a fire right on the beach. it was cold, but not as cold as i thought it was going to be, and never miserable. we got only a trace of rain, just the heavy sea fog would accumulate in the trees, and big drops would fall. but nothing to put a damper on our fun.

we were lulled to sleep by the sound of the waves crashing right below us, and there was about an hour, where the stars were brilliant and i saw a massive shooting star.

more info later. feel free to click on any photo and view the set on flickr. if you have a flickr profile, let me know and i'll add you as a friend contact so you can see all the photos on my flickr stream. i've had to make all the kids' photos private because of pesky perverts!


see ya after my camping trip

oh yeah! my coumpa is made, my coffee cake is made, my eggs are scrambled and in a bag, my clothes are loaded, the kids are ready and hopefully going to sleep soon, my husband finally packed....

now, just to make sure i wake up at 4a.m.!!!

i am happy to report that the headaches i was so worried about have not plagued me this week. i am really hopeful and encouraged for this weekend, even though my doctor won't refill my percocet!

~i must have a lot of confidence. no actually, i was barely getting one this week, and took a combination of three things he wanted me to try and it really helped, and so far hasn't come back. that's 5 days straight feeling good, and it's been a while since i've had a stretch like that!

you'll never believe it, and i seriously hope you don't think i'm a major whiner, but i did something this afternoon that i've never done before.

bad karma....

i was getting out of my van at my mom's house, and i turned my left leg to get out, and i strained my knee. after i few minuites i could tell that i strained a groin muscle as well. i have never done that! what seriously bad timing. i was hoping to be so hopeful, hoping to make a couple of one mile trek's to our campsite packing our gear.

terrible timing. i'm going to go ice it and watch t.v. while i wait for my dishwasher to finish. i have to reload it and restart it and don't want to do that at four a.m.!!

***however, and i do mean this sincerely. i would much rather have a hurting leg than even deal with one migraine on this trip! shoot, i would even prefer to deal with kidney stones!!

here's hoping that you thuroughly enjoy one of your last weekend's of the summer!

The Priest a.k.a. my Grandfather

The Priest
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.
well hello again.

this lovely priest in this photo is my grandfather. the photo was taken by my grandmother, who was primarily an excellent cook and caterer, but also a fabulous photographer. i have a few of her wonderful pieces hanging in my house. and i don't have much on my walls to begin with....

anyway, my grandfather is reaching the peak of his 80's and is not able to get around very well at all anymore. sometimes crossing a room tires him out, as he has extremely low blood pressure. so he is not able to do any of the activities he once loved. i've heard, recently, that he no longer feeds his precious birds every morning and evening, some by hand~ mourning doves, thrashers, cactus wrens, quail, cardinal, and more. i know that if he could do nothing else during the day, besides walk to the table for a meal or cross the room to use the facilities, the only other thing he would do is feed the birds. so hearing that he can no longer do that, or do it very often, tells me how very little he can do.

all of that to say, he is no longer working at a living history museum. my grandmother, who passed away the day after thanksgiving this past year, was always the active one. she was involved in church, making meals for a few dozen to a hundred people every few weeks or even every week during the busy "snow bird months" that happen every year in southern arizona.

my grandmother was such a powerful presence, that she could easily overshadow most people in the room. my grandfather is quiet, where my grandmother, most certainly, was not.

his silence, and his few words, which often came out cuttingly, forbade me from ever getting close to him.

my grandfather had two activities that were his own. he worked at a food bank one day a week, helping sort food at a warehouse for those in need, and the other was a volunteer position at one of the oldest missions in arizona. once a year they would have living history re-enactments. and with his wrinkled skin, and white hair, he made the perfect fit for the role as the mission's priest. i think my grandmother did a fabulous job capturing him truly looking like he was performing that function.

i probably love this photo more, that my grandmother took it, and that wherever she lived, i loved. so in that, i am so fond of it. but even though my grandfather came officially in my life when i was five (he knew of me even when i was born), we never bonded.

or i suppose i should say, I never bonded with HIM.

one of the last things my grandmother said to me, as i so thankfully said "see ya later" to her, is to keep in touch with my grandfather.

"he really loves you kids," she said.

i had never told her how many times he had hurt my feelings and angered me. i never told her that as she laid in the hospital after her colon surgery during her first cancer bout ten years ago, how he snapped at me, and hurt my feelings so, after i had talked to her on the phone.

i never told her any of it. and sadly, i doubt she recognized any of those feelings i had, or chose to ignore them.

so i did what anyone would say to the most precious person in their life the last time they would speak to them on earth.

i lied.

well, i thought for her i could do it. i could find a way to keep in touch.

but when it came down to it, i just couldn't.

calling her was always so hard because i was afraid he was going to answer. he is just one of those people that having any conversation, let alone a phone conversation with, is so strained.

i would think, really think, really hard....ahead of time; planning what i was going to say so i wouldn't feel too uncomfortable.

i tolerated him because of her.

after she was gone i guess i just decided to do what was true in my heart. why pretend anymore? i felt , deep inside, that all these years he had tolerated me because of her, tolerated, but did not love me.

about a month ago, i asked my mother how he was doing. she told me all that i have explained to you above.

then, she said something quite amazing. she said that grandpa wanted to make the trip from southern arizona to sw washington to see the grandkids and great grandkids.

my mouth just about dropped open!

first of all, because he can't get around anymore, and doesn't even sleep in a bed, because of his bad back. he hasn't been able to travel for years. it's been so bad, that when his son lay dying of cancer, he couldn't come and see him, let alone attend his funeral.

i knew he would come, if he could.

now, here he was talking about making a 24 hr. drive to come see all of us.

woah~ i thought.

out of all the grandchildren, my husband and i are one of the few that have made about 10 or more trips to see them in the sixteen years that they have lived there. i made two trips in two months when i found out she was having surgery for colon cancer. i made two trips in two months, when i found out she was dying and to attend her funeral. my husband and i have always made an effort to spend almost any vacation that involved flying, to see them.

well, honestly, to see her.

and she's gone. her presence surrounds the house, but she's no longer there.

but he wants to see us, i thought.

he's almost asking to see us....

i began to think that maybe i should go. my husband is going to pheonix with a friend in november for a golfing trip. i had wanted to do something special with the kids. we have never flown, that many of us.

but he was asking....

i began to think that perhaps i should make plans to do it.

this evening my mom said she had some news.

i said, are you pregnant? immaculate conception? mom's almost 60!!

no, she said your grandfather is in bakersfield, california.

i said, what?!

she said they left this morning and they made it all the way to bakersfield. they hope to make vancouver, washington (they, meaning my mom's brother and wife who have moved into care for him) to spend the night at my cousin's house.

i couldn't believe he did it! incredulous!

why didn't he fly? i asked...i mean, it would make more sense to fly, than such a greuling drive.

she told me that he was afraid of how long he might have to wait and how much pain and discomfort he would have doing that. the car they were driving reclined, and they thought it would be more comfortable for him.

amazing~ bakersfield. not here yet, maybe they'll have to turn around. or take a few days' break, but he's coming.

his granddaughter (my step-cousin) just had her first child. he will get to see her. he will get to see my brother's son who is about to turn 8 mos. old. he will get to see his other granddaughter's two boys. one he saw in october, at one month old. the other he has never seen.

he will see my three kids, that he hasn't seen in about 2 years, and maybe even my cousin from southern oregon with her three kids. and of course there's the cousin in vancouver, who has three kids as well. one he hasn't seen in about seven years.

i'm hoping that after i get back from our camping trip, he'll be here all safe and sound. that we will have maybe four or five days with him before he heads back to arizona.

if he's able to make the drive.

my mom is hoping that for most of his stay, he will stay in a special apartment at a retirement facility. a REALLY NICE retirement facility. she's hoping he'll like it so much that he'll stay. i doubt he will. but he may be so exhausted from the trip that he can't return home. i know his two granddaughters, whose dad died just about a year ago, are secretly hoping that he'll stay.

i am too.

i'd like closure with him. i'd like to know that i could accept him, flaws and all, and learn how to be myself, secure, carefree and ungaurded around him. i would also, if it's possible, to even feel loved. but perhaps, he's in my life, not to love me but BE loved BY me.

hard stuff, and i really don't know that i'm up for the task.

i'll have to fight off the urge to hang my head at first. not even so much as a phone call i have made since leaving him in december after the funeral.

oh, maybe a few cards and a few e-mails with photos attached. but i doubt that's hardly what my grammies was thinking when she ASKED me to stay in touch.

i think what i needed was an invitation.

to know that i was wanted.

saying he was wanting to come is as close as you'll ever get with a man like him.

i'll accept that.

and i'll let you know how our visits go. we'll see if i can be so loving and eloquent in person with a crusty old soul as i am with all the names without faces here in internetland.

you're safe. he's scarry!
My GV Grandparents


now granny's a happy camper

Originally uploaded by Random and Odd.
*thanks to kristine @ www.randomandodd.com for allowing me to blog this photo!

i'm happy to say i'm able to blog a happy granny photo. i recieved a very nice telephone call not more than 10 min. after blogging my latest tale of woe.

i told jacqrojo that God must really finally be listening, and that i should get mad granny on his ass more often!

ha! sacriligous? naw...you just have a dirty mind, and are taking that statement places it shouldn't go........

ok. back to business.

i get the phone call.

i just wanted to let you know, she says (receptionist) that i talked to the doctor and even though we still don't have a date yet, we are definitely going to do it next month.

oh, i said.

this really is a new thing for us, and we have three other ladies that are going to get it. the doctor is going to schedule out an extra half an hour (i'm guessing that he usually doesn't work, 'cause he's booked out like 3 mos. in advance~). but we will definitely be doing it next month, she finishes.

oh, that's really great, i say nicely but not too excitedly.

yes, and i hope that helps you with waiting, and gives you some closure, she states, but more like in a question.

yes it does, i say, knowing that if i don't hear anything in two more weeks i'll be putting the pressure on again.

and besides, i remind myself, i have an appointment with the big man himself on september the 7th. and don't think i won't mention it! i will be expecting a day on the calendar baby! just because i don't work doesn't mean i don't need to plan!

fortunately i don't have any trips to china planned in the month of september, because if you don't think i'd cancel it for the damned botox, you've got a frick'n screw loose!!!!


(i can hear your congratulations! ~ oh, you're not jealous i'm getting botox for a ten dollar copay are you?!)

Never Upset Your Grandma or the Cameradawktor

Never Upset Your Grandma
Originally uploaded by jacqrojo.
don't you just love this photo? my new australian buddie jacqrojo has this in her People are Strange set.

i just love this granny talkin' on her cell phone. to see more of jacqrojo's pics click on the photo or on her name to see her photo stream. if you love tulips you'll be in heaven. it is spring over there and she's gone tulip crazy.

well, i didn't blog this granny photo just because it's funny (which it is) or because it's black and white (which i love) or because some old lady is talking on a cell phone ( which is stinkin' butt hillarious), but because she is hot steamin' mad!

well, it's been about a month since i got my insurance to approve botox as a migraine treatment and my neurologist won't schedule me for the procedure. i've called about three times, and they've called once. their approach has been, when we set up a day, we'll call YOU.

in otherwords, don't bother us. well, that just doesn't cut it for me. it is very hard to wait, let alone when you are not given any reason.

my therapist asked about the botox last week and i said i hadn't had it yet. you'd a thought she'd look like this old granny! she said that was unacceptable to not be given any explanation and for it to take so long. she encouraged me to be the "squeaky wheel that gets greased." ARGHHHH!!!

so yesterday when i saw my primary care doctor, i was hoping that HE would call and put on the pressure. nope! he passed the buck to me. so this morning about nine thirty a.m., my stomache was just churning with the thought of calling them again.

but, i'm worth it, i thought.

you deserve an explanation, i said to myself.

this is your right as a patient, to ask for a little clarification, i reminded myself.


my heart was POUNDING! (i hope i don't get a migraine from this, i thought. Day #2 pain free!!!)

so the little lady, renee, gets on the line and i ask to speak to the doctor. i try to sound as low key and as sickeningly sweet as possible. I DO NOT want to shoot my help in the foot.......

what do you want to talk to him about, she says.

about my botox treaments, i said.

well, he doesn't know when he's going to do it, she said.

yes, but i would like for him to call me, so he can help me understand how long i'm going to wait, so i can be prepared for how long it's going to take.

you've been so patient, she said. i know it's hard waiting and we really appreciate how patient you've been. ( i was hoping that she couldn't see that my face looked like el grandmo's here.)

yes, well i try, i said.

the doctor has three other patients, as well, that are waiting for botox. it's a relatively new treatment for us, so that's why it's taking some time.

(why didn't he explain this sooner when he said i was a good candidate? why didn't he offer me some other kind of drug to try in the meantime? geesh, it's not like my problem is getting any better. i mean, where' s the f'n customer service? oh yeah, it's medicine...there IS NOT F'N CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!)

~good thing she couldn't see me looking and thinking like granny~

this afternoon at lunch we are going to have a little meeting about it. and i will see if i can get him to put a date on the calendar, she said.


i will call you this afternoon or tomorrow, she said.

that would be so nice, i said, i would really appreciate that. (gooshing with sweetness).


fewf! i actually kept all my latent granny anger under wraps. and, i felt soooo much better that i had been an advocate for myself (which i'm told i desreve) and showed them that i care about the kind of care i recieve. (not that they really noticed that...but i like to kid myself that they do).

so, i spent about another 1/2 hour helping a friend who has chronic pain, and has just been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. that made me feel like SUCH A BETTER PERSON because AREN'T I SO WONDERFUL, I HELP OTHERS EVEN WHEN OTHERS DON'T HELP ME!!!!

that really fed my self esteem bucket!

is there a moral to this story? who knows. i do know that it's 3:40 pm and still now call. woops wait.......i ran some errands, let's see if their number is on caller i.d., hold on here.......nope! dang it all, just some wireless caller (granny is that you?!) whose number i don't recognize. no messages either. darn darn double darn!

*p.s. if you love granny as much as i do, click the picture and tell jacqrojo!


Holy Cow!

Holy Cow!
Originally uploaded by Yogi.
holy cow is right! (to check out more of yogi's photos click the photo or his screename under the photo).

yikesers and holy cow is about all i have to say.

what a week~

had problems with perverts visiting my flickr page. i had a guy favorite a photo of my husband and put it on his flickr page. in his profile he says that he likes to watch men have sex.


i had a guy that said my kids were sweet and looked like his grandbabies. he turned out to be a pervert.


icing on the cake was when a porno site, with a site feed to flickr tags such as bikini, swimsuit and up skirts, blogged a photo of my precious meyers d, in ....you guessed it, a bikini.

moral of the story?

i am taking off all flickr tags that make references to kids, children, ages, boy, girl, bikini, swimsuit, etc. any tag that a perv can get a sitefeed to and constantly get a stream of photos to do WATEVER HE WANTS TO with them....

change virtually all my photos to friends and family only

change almost all of my contacts to friends and family because so far, they are people i trust.

turn off the ability to blog my photos, except for friends and family. if you want to blog one of my photos, just ask, i will try to make that happen for you if you are unable.

i also have removed my kids' pictures from any of the kid groups on flickr. so many perverts have joined these to get children's photos. you can't just quit a group, you have to go to the group and delete any and all of the photos you don't want there, then quit the group if that's what you want to do.

keep in mind, i check out EVERY and i mean EVERY person that faves, comments, and or adds me as a contact. things can just slip through the cracks. so if this is a concern to you, just put your flickr settings on the most private settings you can.

the rest of the week included having migraines on tues, wed,thrs, fri, sat and sunday. yup, real fun stuff. went to the doctor on sat. and sun. and got some pretty powerful stuff. in the past, when i've had a back to back spur, i would get mad when i had exhausted all of my medicine choices and just take whatever, whenever, however i wanted.

good for my body?


good for my health?


so this time when i got to that point, i went in. saturday i got a shot of toradol (sp?) and the headache was gone until bedtime. not to bad, because it was a hell of a wanger.

sunday i got an iv drip of saline, bendaryl 50mgs. in the i.v. (that my friends could be sold on the black market, it makes you stinkin' STONED), some anti nausea medicine and DHE in the i.v. by the time i left it was completely gone. started to come back this a.m. but i am ok now.

why am i writing about this? because, like i said, in the past i would do unhealthy things to myself out of desperation/frustration/pain.

not this time! because it was urgent care my hubby and kids had to spend hours with me there, but it was the right thing i do, to ask for help when i needed it.

there's other things i could say about this whole thing, but i'll save it. basically my hormones are whacked and until they get leveled out, i could be in this stinkin' bad stretch for a while. not good, because i have a camping/backpacking trip planned for this weekend that i am hell bent not to miss!

we are going to a place called rialto beach up by forks, washington on the northern washington coast. it's a four hour trip and we have to hike a mile in to get to our campsite. no water/electricity. but you camp right on the beach.

our friends have been telling us about it for over a year, and we have been planning this trip that long. if i have to send the husband and kids alone, i will. but i DEFINITELY don't want to miss out. guess i'll have to make sure the percocet is in plentiful supply! lol!

i hope you find the flickr information helpful, the most enlightening thing to me was the site feeds people could get on flickr tags, so it's important to be careful about those. i had no idea about that....

have a great week!


the tired poultryman and his wife

The Tired Poultryman
Original Poem by my Great Uncle Walter, written at age 78

A Poultry Man is just a guy,
who has to stay at home and try,
to get his flock of hens to lay,
and make it pay another day.

He sits upon that same old pine,
a-rubbin' eggs until they shine,
so city folks who pass that way,
will never feel ashamed to pay,
a little bonus on the price,
for eggs that always are so nice,
and fresh as Daisies in the spring,
no better eggs are found "By Jing" and then at last when day is O'er,
and you have done up your last chore,
you try to make it to the house,
where there you meet your loving spouse.

Awaiting in the door for you,
and on the stove a nice hot brew,
an' coffee 'roma in the air,
but you'r too pooped to even care,
you just fall down as if you'r dead,
she has to drag you into bed,
an' tuck you in without you'r meal,
because she knows just how you feel.

The last you see is eggs galore! a-tumbling down upon the floor,
and hens a-cacklin' with delight,
they know just how you'll spend the night!

Now city folks they ain't that way,
they have both time for work and play,
an' take their gal out 'neath the trees,
and learn her 'bout the Birds and Bees,
and watch the golden arise,
an' count the stars up in the skies,
an' watch the wise old Owl flit by,
or hear the cunning Wild Cat cry.

While in his bed the Poultry Man,
is dreaming up a master plan,
of Super hens with Atomic eggs,
an' drumsticks large as horse's legs,
while thru the skies he tries again,
to capture one more straying hen.

But then "Alas!" the rooser cries,
you wipe the sweat off 'round your eyes,
an' rise to greet the morning sun,
another day has just begun,
and you are glad you made it thru,
so you can try it all anew!

*a younger, creative musician
my great uncle walter as a young man
*my grandmother, great uncle walter, their parents and siblings
my grandmother and her family
*about 20 years ago, uncle walter, grandma and their brother
grandma grace and two of her brothers

SPF: movie title

howlin' at the moon
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.
kristine @ www.randomandodd.com has titles as the theme this week for spf. did you play? even if you didn't, go over to her website and see who played, go check out all the great pics.

movie title: "Face of the Screaming Werewolf" a 1960 movie by Lon Chaney

did you play?

*btw: this is my husband!

SPF: 8-11-06 part 2

Originally uploaded by ONE/MILLION.
song title: "Big 'ol Butt" by LL Cool J.

**this is not my photo. to see more of one/million's fabulous photos click his name under the picture. please do, he's a good guy.

SPF: 8-11-06

Have U Seen Me?
Originally uploaded by CSatterfield.
book title: "One flew over the cuckoo's nest" by Ken Kesey.

*i did not take this photo. to see more photos by csatterfield, click the link under the picture.

did you play?


Justin's 4th Emergency Brain Surgery

Back in June i blogged a flickr photo of an amazing little boy who went through his 3rd emergency brain surgery.

unfortunately, as this title suggests, justin had to be rushed into the hospital again for yet his fourth surgery. Read about it here: http://rsmartypants.diaryland.com/4th.html

and to see more photos of this strong young man, click on the photo which will take you to his mommy's flickr site.

please leave her a comment and let her know you care, and that you will be praying for this amazing little boy....


Windy Ridge @ the Mt. St. Helen's Volcanic Monument

this is really living
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.
I sure hope you will take the time to view this picture in it's largest size over on my flickr site. Just click the picture, choose all sizes, and you will be there.

Windy Ridge is 53 miles out of Cougar, Washington on Forest Road 90. You take a left @ the sign for Windy Ridge (can't remember what forest road that is) and it is about 14 miles. You enter the blast zone that was affected when the north face of Mt. St. Helen's was blasted off in the May 18, 1980 eruption. The forest roads are well paved, but very twisty and turny. My excitement built as we neared the turn off to Windy Ridge and you could start seeing the volcano in the distance, and even Mt. Rainier.

It was a clear, beautiful sunny day with incredible bright blue skies, dotted with clouds. First we stopped @ a viewpoint overlooking Meta Lake and the beginning of the blast zone. We could see a small steam and ash emission rising out of the crater of the volcano. This is not a surprise, as the volcano started to have regular, active steam and ash emissions in October 2004 that were so spectacular, they didn't even compare to this measley little steaming!portrait from the blast zone - giant trees reduced to toothpicks are now barely visible

When we were about 7 miles away from our destination, and well within the blastzone, we came upon this visitor's center, restaraunt and gift shop. Here we ate cheeseburgers and fries, while watching the volcano send it's mini plume into the sky. It was such an amazing moment. I mean, whenever you go to the mountains, whether it's st. helen's, rainier or mt. adams, you never know if you will see the peaks because there is such frequent cloud cover over them, even if the rest of the sky is comletely clear. It's just a crap shoot. We got there just in the nick of time. It was so wonderful and everyone that was there was quite thrilled to watch the "activity" as we call it, as well.
As we approached Windy Ridge the crater seemed so close that we could crawl right into it. And, the clouds started covering the opening to the crater, so we were glad that we had enjoyed it while we could. Windy Ridge is soooo windy, it really lives up to it's name. But we enjoyed looking @ Spirit Lake (where i had fished and camped as a child) and listened to a fabulous talk on "Extreme Geology" by a young U.S. Forest Service employee.it seemed as if we could step right into the north rimthe native americans so rightly named this place spirit lake

I had heard all the details many times before, but never tire of reliving this thrilling, exciting and scarry time of my life. Also, some of the details were really put into perspective by sitting right there. Where we were at, people had 35 seconds to live after the eruption started @ 8:32 a.m. Basically, they didn't live until 8:33.
explaining an extreme geology
She said that the force of the blast was equivalent to 500+ atomic bombs, and that the largest recorded landslide in human history was 130 miles an hour, while the pyroclastic flows that reached toward Spirit Lake were still 600 degrees 2 weeks after the eruption.

I also noticed how the forest was renewing itself, and looked so different than when I was last in the blast zone (the standing dead forest) 16 years ago. She explained that when the Roosevelt Elk herds returned, their dung piles could germinate 11 different species of plants from one pile. They really helped the forest regenerate itself.
this man shared his childhood remembrances of harry truman and a view of a roosevelt elk herd
As we drove back out of the blast zone, it was over 8 miles to get to Bear Meadow. This was where a gentleman snapped 4 pictures the morning of the eruption and quickly sped away over 22 miles to the town of Randle, Washington. Barely escpaing with his life. We thought about that as we drove back towards Randle on Forest Road 25. At approx. 35-40 miles an hour it took us at least an hour to reach the tiny hamlet of Randle. We imagined how fast he drove, how dangerous that was on the windy road, and how he must have feared for his life.
mother nature has the awesome ability to reduce man to an insignificant dependant creature
As we came home down I-5 and neared the town of Castle Rock, Wa., we traveled over a bridge that crossed the Toutle River. I remember that bridge being wiped out by the mudflow that traveled through there on the way to the Cowlitz and eventually, the Columbia River. She was able to look and see how high the water and debris had gotten as we passed over this part of the freeway, even though she had crossed it dozens and dozens of times.

We left Cougar on our trek shortly after 11 a.m., and finally reached home around 6 p.m. It was quite a bit of driving, but such an amazing experience. We came full circle after leaving our home days before. Our trip literally circled comletely around Mt. St. Helen's.

I hope she will remember that part of our campout, especially, for years to come. I hope that it's times like these, that will overshadow the much too numerous times where I am so less-than-functional with my health problems. I hope she will be resiliant, and not bitter with life and with me due to the many things she is robbed of, but will instead marvel at all the times that are special that we are able to have. I pray that she won't hold against me the depression that I deal with even on non-pain days due to my struggle with hopelessness and anger/grief/sadness over my circumstances. This is one of the main reasons I was not going to let anything or anyone stop our special time together. She has commented about it so many times, not so much to me, but at school to her teacher, and in her writings, how these campouts are the highlight of her summer.

I know they are surely one of the highlights of mine. I don't know what we will decide to do next year, and if we will decide to include any other mother/daughter combos to our little fun. Part of us would like to do that, to share this specialness with another mother/daughter/s combo, while part of us desires to just savor the specialness of the two of us. I am really trying to let her determine the course it, as it is such a meaningful experience in her life.
who needs the movies when you've got real life
In fact, both of my parents wanted to come along this year, and Meyers D was willing to have my Dad come along. But I explained to her that now that he is retired, my parents can go camping with us anytime, and they don't. This is our only time for girl time, so I said what would you think if just Grammy came. And she agreed that it would be a good idea to keep it just womenfolk. So we invited my Mom, but I think she already had her heart set on camping with my Father. Maybe there were other reasons for her not coming, I don't know. I think it's too bad, she really missed out. But at the same time I am sooooo glad it was just her and I this summer, as my ability to take the kids and do things without the assistance (drug free driving skills) of my husband has been limited much more than previous summers.

For more pics go to www.flickr.com/photos/cameradawktor


Dawktor Girls Campout 2006

Meyers D and I had such a fabulous time on our campout July 31-Aug. 2, 2006. We stayed @ the Cougar RV Park in Cougar, Washington. This is the same place I took the children in June, and Meyers D and I stayed in the cabin again. For information and pictures of our campground, click the following pictures and view the set. Cozy-Cabin

The first year we went, 2004, we stayed @ Ohanapacosh in Mt. Rainier National Park. We tent camped and I used a propane cookstove for the first time. We hiked in a 200+ old growth forest and up in the alpine wildflower meadows near Paradise Lodge.

Last year we went to Dash Point State Park in Federal Way, Washington. That turned out to be the scarriest time of my life, but I'll leave that for another post. We had a great time on the Puget Sound beach though, where we saw thousands of sand dollars and enjoyed doing our crafts. I also found a new appreciation for my "gaurd dog" and "all around good camping dog" Zoe the Boxer.he had never seen such a close relationship between a child and her dog

The first day we arrived we just relaxed after getting settled and eating our giant dinner of crab stuffed chicken. I did some knitting and started a book by Maya Angelou that my friend stephjaychrisben (http://flickr.com/photos/51753925@N00/ ) had sent me.

The next morning I woke up to terrible cramps and a backache (kidney stones moving?). So once the percocets were downed half the day was spent recovering from feeling stoned. Fortunately our cabin had an outdoor electrical outlet and I anticipated problems, so I relaxed by the fire with my trusty heating pad. As much as I wanted to do some exploring by Windy Ridge in the mt. st. helen's volcanic monument or trying to find Indian Heaven in the Mt. Adam's wilderness (loads of wild blueberries) we just decided to relax. Meyers D did some painting, made a fabric painted shirt and a fabric painted tote for some friends, as well as some latch hooking and reading. We also played a few games of cards.the front side of sara's shirtmy little crafting queenthis is what happens to girls without male contact for 72 hoursthe

I started a needlepoint project I'd like to give my Mother. This is the first time I've done anything like that and I'm really enjoying it. Meyers got a little bored in between her projects and did some self-portrait experiments with the digital camera and took a quite unflattering picture of me, lol!
my mom is learning how to do needlepoint by meyers dmy mom's going to kill me for this by meyers d
We also picked some huckleberries and had huckleberry pancakes.
one of my favorite scenes of summer - huckleberriesone of my favorite scenes of summer - huckleberries
When we packed up to go on Wednesday, we sure wished we had another night. It is just so relaxing and peaceful being out in nature, sitting by the fire and relaxing. But we decided to go on a road trip. That will be detailed in the next post.

The recipe for the foil dinner Meyers D is holding in this photo was from a previous blog or flickr post in June. click the picture and find the link in the description of the picture if you would like this recipe. It turned out so wonderful, the best we've ever done, as you can tell by the excitement on Meyer D's face!