see ya in a few days

see ya in a few days
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.

o.k., doea anyone know how to analyze handwriting?

does it tell you that i'm a freak?

abnormal?

reclusive?

outgoing?

hmm....you'll have to let me know about that....

so this is my kids' spring break, they have been home 2 hours now. we are packing up to go here


the crazy guy who was renting le pond de leroy's place is moved out. so w/ weather being unpredictable until july here in good 'ol SW Washington, we can safely go have fun and stay in their mobile home. the Mister just called and said i won't even recognize it and that the woodstove is going and wood is piled up on the porch!

wahoo!

when it gets a little warmer out we can pitch tents but we will try sleeping in the mobile. the Misses is going with us and she should be here any minuite.

o.k., that was her calling so i have to finish loading my truck.

anywhoo, her Mister and my Mister are going here


so i thought that since it's spring break, instead of sitting around home

that we should go have some fun like this

(at least we can only hope that this will occur.........) hehehe......

birthdays, sassy girls, and chocolate peanut-butter pie

birthdays, sassy girls, and chocolate peanut-butter pie
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.

Meyers D had a low key but enjoyable birthday yesterday. It's amazing that she's 11 now!

She made her own Peanut-Butter birthday pie:

1 ready made grahm cracker crust
8oz. cream cheese softened
1c. granulated sugar
1c. creamy peanut butter
8oz. cool whip thawed
1 can Betty Crocker Fudge Frosting

Cream the cream cheese and sugar until fluffy. Mix in peanut butter well and then fold in whipped topping.

Pour into grahm cracker crust and freeze until set.

Once set, spread Fudge Frosting over the top. Serve when pie is not frozen and cuttable. VERY RICH and delicious!!!

the not so beautiful before

the not so beautiful before
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.

o.k., if you read a few posts ago you will know that i was realling fighting depression. not so much with my thoughts, but with my body. i was soo sooo tired, like a 1,000 lb. elephant was sitting on me. sometimes it was like i couldn't even move.

i had no energy to take my kids anywhere, let alone even tie my shoes. i was able to stay out of bed but the chair and the couch in front of the t.v. really got to know my butt, if you know what i mean.

i decided not to see how long before it would pass and made a doctor appt. for the 26th. but, in the meantime, i decided to stop taking a vitamin i had been taking for the last 6 weeks. my neurologist thought i might want to try co q 10 to see if it would help get my migraine frequency down. at first i stopped taking pictures, which at the time, i thought i was just giving myself a break.

then after a month, and switching to a different brand, i started to get tired. tasks became much more difficult but i was forcing myself to get through them. i started thinking about how nice it would be to lie in my bed but during the middle of the day. during this, however, i was able to fight through it.

then, during my "womanly time" ( :) ) i had absolutely no energy. i couldn't get anything done and my emotions were just so flat, devoid of feelings. i thought i was just having an extra difficult week and would feel better when the "time" had passed.

nope

i knew i needed to go for a walk and get fresh air and i couldn't even imagine walking across the room to put my shoes on.

that's when i knew that i was definitely having a low cycle (depressive episode).

but, because my thinking wasn't dangerous or distorted i thought i could wait it out.

realizing though that i had started a new batch of vitamins before the bottom fell out i decided to stop taking them. that was sunday. the very next day i felt so much better and by tuesday i was back to my great old self.

today is thursday and despite feeling pretty tired every once in a while, the 1,000 lb. elephant is gone.

i will still go to my doctor's appt though as i am trying to break the bad habit of doctoring myself, which has never gotten me anywhere and most of the time made me worse off.

i am so greatful that i am feeling better and am having lots of fun taking pictures again. my husband bought me a new mobile phone that has a 2mg. camera. it also has an mp3 player which i have never had before. so i have been having a good time trying to figure out how to download songs onto it.

to sum it all up, i will leave you with this stylish picture of my new haircut! haha.... the after (after depression lifts) is always so much sweeter than the not so beautiful before.... (THIS IS MY WORD FOR THE DAY!)

btw: if you don't get anything that i have talked about that 's good. it means you've never experienced it so consider yourself lucky!!!

slam dunk, do you wanna play?

slam dunk
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.

my friend sent me an e-mail that you send to other people asking them to describe you in one word. it was pretty encouraging to me as this is what i got back: artistic, courageous and intuitive. you can leave me a word in the comments if you want to play too and i'll give you one back if you play in a post and let me know about it.

here's what i was sent:

This ought to be interesting. Be kind. :)
>>>> >
>>>> >The Game is on !!!
>>>> >
>>>> >Describe me in one word.... just one single word. Send it to me
and to
>>>> >me only.
>>>> >
>>>> >Then send this message to your friends and see how many strange &
>>>> >interesting things they say about you. This is really fun.
>>>> >
>>>> >Here's how:
>>>> >
>>>> >1. Hit the reply key and send me my one word.
>>>> >
>>>> >2. Then return to this message, and forward it to your friends
>>>> >(including
>>>> >me) and see what people say about you when limited to one word !!!
>>>> >
>>>> >The Game is On !!!!
>>>> >


are you gonna play????

i've been fighting it...

Well, I really have neglected this blog for a while, but maybe it's time I was more dilligent about posting.

This really is not the greatest time for me to pick it back up, but really, that's the whole purpose of my blog.

It's been sneaking back up on me, and i've been fighting it...but depression is trying to get a strangle grip around my neck again.

I say my neck because it cuts off my circulation which makes me quite lethargic and sleepy...which more than anything, is what i am fighting.

It started a few weeks ago. I had so much energy (which looking back was probably a mild hypomanic swing, because that's what it looks like w/ my bipolar symptoms) and I was getting great projects done around the house. Lots of painting, organizing, etc. I really am not a lazy person although I struggle w/ periods of non-activity.

Then my tasks started to get less easy, and I had to put mental effort into them and break them into smaller pieces. I told myself to get one thing done and I obeyed! Then I would tell myself to do something else. That's the point really, is that I started having to tell myself to get things done.

Then a week and a half ago or two I was starting my cycle. I felt really tired but and completely lethargic but I marked it off as all due to my menstrual cycle. And during it, I had to take numerous shots for my migraines and felt like I had been hit by a mac truck, but I slated that as due to the medications.

So when my cycle ended and I didn't return to my great old self, I began to realize that there may be more to this than mere sluggish-ness. In fact yesterday the ODDEST thing happened. I was having coffee with a friend and all of a sudden it felt like I had taken two percocet. My hearing was like it was in stereo and then as it subsided I felt like I was floating. My friend was really worried about me driving home, and honestly, I was too. But I have driven on percocet before, and I didn't have the kids with me, nor was it very far to go.

So I canceled all my plans for the day and drove home, VERY CAREFULLY!

I don't think I got anything done.

Thankfully, my husband doesn't care what state I'm in as long as I'm not in pain. So I guess that's a good thing.

I'm tempted to wait and talk to my doctor about it if it gets worse. But why would I want to feel worse?

I'm tempted to wait things out, because my downward spin always goes upward. So, if it stays this mild and my thinking doesn't get low, I could try to wait it out.

The plus to starting an anti-depressant is that I could start one that's helpful with pain and it could help my migraines.

The minus is that there's usually weight gain involved and I fear I've already put on a bit of weight. I know I have over the past half dozen months, but I fear I've put on more since the first of the year. If I start to feel really bad I will not have a choice, weight or no I have to take care of myself.

But, if this turns out to be mild like it has been and short lived, I may be able to get by w/out it.

Decisions, decisions.

But today I've just been fighting it....

why i love the smell of cow poop

grammies and frank and michael
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.

Allright, Jana read my questions below and wanted an explanation of why i love the smell of cow poop.

It's really quite simple.

Before I was born, or my Mom even got married, her dad died. He had built my grandmother a house on some acreage in a rural area. They had a garden area, seasonal pond, pie cherry trees, mile long driveway, old barn and a handful of cows.

Because my Grandmother had no man around the house to do upkeep on the "farm" my parents would spend a lot of time on the weekends out there helping her out. I absolutely ADORED my grandmother, being outdoors and mucking around the farm. I loved helping her feed the cows.

Now, everytime I pass by a farm I have to roll down the windows and take a big whiff. Naturally, the smell that I detect is the strongest one: cow poop.

It reminds me of my grandmother.....sort of like apple pie would remind you of home....

A little bit about me...

New Questions


> 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? nope, i am an original!

> 2. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? nope

> 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I've seen better...

> 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? roast beef
>
> 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? one girl and two boys

> 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I hope so.
>
> 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? what do you think??? :)

> 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
>
> 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No way, no how!
>
> 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? fruit loops but i really don't eat them anymore

> 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? yes, but pretty much all of my shoes are slip ons, mom's don't have time to tie...

> 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? no, but i must be to put up w/ the crap i have to...

> 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? tillamook chocolate peanut butter

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Expression.
>
> 15. RED OR PINK? red is my favorite color...

> 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my health
>
> 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my grandmother
>
> 18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? i am not sending this, i'm posting it...

> 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Not wearing pants! grey sweats and no shoes

> 20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? cracklin' bran w/ blueberries and rice milk

> 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? regis and kelly in the other room

> 22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? red, duh!

> 23. FAVORITE SMELLS? cow poop....long story...

> 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? monika from an interior design store in town

> 25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? yes but i haven't seen her since high school
>
> 26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? my kids playing soccer

> 27. HAIR COLOR? Brownish blackish

> 28. EYE COLOR? Hazel.
>
> 29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes

> 30. FAVORITE FOOD? thai food

> 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings.
>
> 32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? cast away

> 33. COLOR OF SHIRT YOU ARE WEARING? red

> 34. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer

> 35. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses, but depends on whose doing the hugging or the kissing...
>
> 36. FAVORITE DESSERT? chocolate peanut butter cheesecake
>
> 37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? really don't know who reads this blog anymore... suzanne r???

> 38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???

> 39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Easy Thai

> 40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one...

> 41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Supernanny

> 42. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND? the birds that have returned this spring

> 43. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? thailand

> 44. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? photography
>
> 45. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? longview, washington

> 46. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Everybody - it's fun to learn new things about my friends.

Mercy House

Mercy House
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.

Mercy House is the place that most tugged on my heart during our Thailand trip. It is a dormitory for tribal kids overseen by a Thai church. There are about 25 girls and one boy living there at the present time. These kids are without DAILY adult supervision and are visited by a representative of the church once or twice a week.

These kids are amazing and clearly enjoyed being showered with attention by adults!

The girls rotate taking turns waking up before dawn to walk to their outdoor cooking area. When we were there, they had two pots to cook their meals in and the roof leaked! Our church is going to fund a new cooking area for them and I hope to get them some better cooking gear!



we took them some KFC as they rarely get to eat meat and they just LOVE KFC!! (And yes, KFC in Thailand tastes just like home...)



The girls did some dances for us, a fashion show (which was the cutest thing ever!) and sang some songs in their tribal languages. Two of the girls from our team, Bethany and Lacey, did their dance for them and we had a prayer time with them. Lori and I really wanted to get back and visit them again but we just didn't have the chance.

Visiting Mercy House, we learned that many Thai people have a calloused attitude toward tribal kids. Evidentally, the church that oversees their care feels like since the tribal kids had "nothing" while in their tribe, that they need nothing but the bare necessities now. Personally, i think adult supervision IS a necessity and that's something these kids don't have.

Even so, these girls are amazing....going to school, leaving their families and cultures, washing and cooking for themselves...

It is so exciting to me to see these tribal children get an opportunity for an education. It's just such a shame that this cannot happen for them in their tribes. But, some of the tribes are still nomadic and move their villages for crop rotation.

I hope and pray that these kids will not be so enamored with city life that they abandon their tribes. Living in the city gives them an opportunity to see what the rest of the world is like and hopefully they will take their knowledge and skills back to benefit their tribes either by advocating for them or living with them.

I also pray that these kids will hang onto their tribal and cultural traditions so that the beauty of their cultures will not be lost. I also hope that the lure of Western Society doesn't strip these beautiful tribal cultures of their rich identity....