7.28.2006

Zombie Boy


Zombie Boy
Originally uploaded by ajrpix.
Do ya ever feel like this?

* you know this ain't my picture, but when i saw this i favorited it, because i just feel like this kid sometimes.* please click the link and check this dude's other photos out.**

Do ya ever feel like just when you get your head above water, something tries to suck ya back down to the bottom of the ocean?

I AM SO FLIPPING FRUSTRATED!!!

I have this neurologist that i saw for the migraines, and he wanted to see me in two months. that should be NEXT WEEK. but no, they couldn't get me an appointment until SEPT. 7th.

UGH!

the meds he gave me (lamictal) has helped my mood (which is a good thing since the birth control pills were making me go INSANE!) but has not helped the headaches.

so the nice guy that he is, he says i'm a candidate for BOTOX. the insurance company approved it over almost two weeks ago. that is a MAJOR EVENT!

here's my problem. i said, "so when can i come in for you to do it?"

"OH, well the procedure shouldn't take very long so maybe we can squeeze you in somewhere."

that was 9 days ago. 7 days ago i called back and said, "did you find out when you can get me in?"

"i'll talk to the dr. and see when he wants you to come and I WILL CALL YOU BACK. you will hear from me so just wait until i call."

THAT WAS A FUCKING WEEK AGO.

so today i am very nice. "Hello," i say trying to sound sweet.

"oh, you are calling about the botox?" she said.

"yes, i was just wondering if there's a time that I can come in."

"well, i haven't heard from the dr. yet...."

"so you just want me to wait until my appointment on sept. 7th?

"well the plan was that i will call you when i know and i don't know yet, so i will call you when i know."

"well, was he on vacation or something?"

"he was in......yesterday,....but he was very busy, so when he sends me a message I will call you."

"allright, fine." click.

so i sit here on the computer checking my flickr site, seeing how my pics are doing. the longer i sit the more anxious i feel myself stirring inside.

i am trying, TRYING to tell my dr.'s that i need help, and trust that they WANT to help me.

this neurologist is very nice. he was more than nice, he was kind.

but this feels like torture to me.

doesn't it sound a little like dangling the fricking carrot in front of the starving horses mouth?

ARGH.

I just want to pretend i don't feel this way. distract myself with some mindless activity and pretend that I don't want to cry.

but that's bullshit.

and bullshit is just one thing that i am way too freaking tired of.

3 comments:

Writer Mom said...

Too bad Tom can't administer Botox. He'd get you in today!
I'm sorry this is being strung out for you. He's probably busy, yes, but our health care system, seriously! If a person is in pain, it would be so wonderful if they could be treated right away. That would be a perfect world, right?
Kudos to you for being nice.
Shows strong character.
And kept your file from being stuffed under the stack (let's hope!)

I hope you're having a good weekend. I'd never guess how much pain you're living with by looking through your photos. I truly hope you get help soon. You deserve it.

CameraDawktor said...

thanks writermom~

i go through spurts where i have lots of pain, but because of those spurts, i fear them....and so sometimes when i don't have pain, i fear it.

also, during the spurts of lots of pain, there's lots of decisions that are hard to make, like what drug to take, when to take it, how much, is it too soon to take it....

it gets overwhelming.

i must say that the bc pills have virtually solved the menstrual migraines (the real killers) and now am just left with once or twice a week milder ones.

so it seems like i'm very close to getting a handle on it.

i felt much better after posting that and made a choice to find a friend to spend time with instead of hiding in my house. that was very uplifting and i feel much better. perhaps next friday if i still haven't heard anything i'll get pissded again, lol!

thanks so much for caring and stopping by.

Donnak said...

I'm sorry this is so frustrating for you. I can imagine how you must feel; I went through something simular before I had my hysterectomy - although, I didn't have to deal with it nearly as long as you have. I'm sorry. :(