3.11.2006

Temporarily Stoned


Don't be surprised if a lot of what I'm about to say doesn't make sense. I'm temporarily stoned.

It's one a.m., I've been asleep for 2 hrs. on a heating pad that's been turned up on HIGH and two percocets. If I felt better I'd make percocet a link for those of you who don't know what it is. And yes, it is my perscription but for a completely different problem. I've got another migraine but these are supposed to be for when my kidney stones flare up. But that's another story.

As you can probably tell from this latest self-portrait, I only wish I was joking.

I'm not telling you all this for sympathy, it's just a reality check into my not-so-perfect I've-got-problems-like-everybody else life. So really, don't feel sorry for me. Just let me tell my story.

Went to bed with another migraine. I've taken 3 imitrex shots already in the last week and I don't dare take another one or they won't work for me for awhile. They are part of my sanity and I don't want to blow it. Pain management is a big key to a decent/happy life.

Couldn't take fiorcet which is my second weapon in the arsenal because I've taken 4 in the last few days. And, by how I was feeling I could tell they probably wouldn't work.

So, put some peppermint oil on my temple, turned the heating pad on high, waited for my magic white pills to make me comfortable and went to la-la- nighty-night land. Do I feel 100% right now from all of that. Obviously not, but am I coping? Yes. If there's one thing I've learned through all this it's that keeping the pain somewhat under my control is ESSENTIAL to mental health. When it's managed, I can feel HOPE. When it's not, well then it's (as T-Sam-E would say), "Welcome to the Dark Side."

Your comments are welcome and appreciated but be sensitive to my 26 year struggle with migraines. Be sensitive that my picture looks like shit because that's how I feel temporarily. Be sensitive that its 1 a.m. and I wouldn't even get behind the wheel right now (should I be blogging?!?). All I'm trying to say is that I'm fragile and I have feelings....

and....

Welcome to my Dark Side.

8 comments:

Miss Cellania said...

Aw man, I'm sorry. I feel for you. But I'm sure I don't feel as BAD as you do.

spicehut said...

Sorry to hear about this. Didnt know migranes are so bad.

I hope you're fine now. Cheer up.

CameraDawktor said...

spicehut- yes, migraines really are that bad. I should make a video of myself w/ one and post it on here...but I don't think you'd want to see that!!

I am better now, hopefully I will remain so for days to come. I broke down and gave myself a shot. I was not wanting to do that, but you get to a point where the pain is so bad and you've endured 12+ hrs....had to protect my sanity. Those shots are amazing. Within 1/2 hr. I feel perfect! Thank God!!

Miss Cellania- Thanks for stopping by and I hope you come back again sometime! But if you are trying to stay away from nicotine you are probably not doing that great either! Don't give up!!

elayne said...

Just a stranger passing by, but I had to tell you two things - #1, I actually really like that self-portrait; it's intriguing and edgy and, oddly enough, when I glanced at it before even reading the entry, I thought, "Wow, the eyes look like how I feel when I have a migraine." I think it's great.

#2, I sympathize and am glad you are feeling better (according to the comment above, at least). I, too, have had migraines for 26 years, but thankfully mine are not as frequent as yours sound to be. I'm fortunate that I can usually function if I take my preventative in time (Midrin - Imitrex does nothing for me), but my stomach queased up a bit thinking about those times when I wasn't able to, and the 12+ hours of hell you mentioned.

Hope you feel better and remain feeling better!

CameraDawktor said...

Elayne-
I hope it wasn't an accident that you stopped by and that you will come again or at least read this comment to your comment.

My hubby gasped when he saw the picture I posted of myself, but how I looked this morning was worse.

How odd that you could tell I had a migraine before you read the post, guess it was worth the risk for me to post the pic...it wasn't easy but I felt the need to tell the truth.

Just wanted to let you know that the imitrex worked for 7 hrs and now it's back. Fiorcet (butalbital) is not working either and will have to go back to percocet. Know I am risking rebound headaches and that may be what I'm having now but my sanity comes first.

Probably will have to go to the dr. tomorrow but am willing to go to the hospital tonight if it gets too bad. Never had to do that before but should have once...I was literally going looney w/ pain and the advice nurse said I wasn't bad enough...drive one hour and come for an appointment. No way babe! I just suffered..

Please come back again sometime and let me know how I can e-mail you if you don't mind.

Thanks for stopping, you were an encouragement.

Pray for me please. I feel peaceful right now and I'd like to keep it that way. Thanks!

mysouth said...

Hello dear. I really hope that you're feeling better. It sounds just horrid to have to go thru something like that. I am lucky enough that the closest relation i can get is a headache(but i'm sure that's not even an 1/8 of it). *HUGS*
I love to paint, i don't know what it is but it's another stress releaser for me.
I know how to make lumpia btw.And it never lasts. hahaha, wish i knew how to make the others you mentioned. I'm enjoying my first cup of coffee this Sunday..Taking deep breaths..i can hear the birds chirping away. Maybe you should come down here for sometime off.You would have to pay for your own airfare though (hardy har har) :p Maybe it will relieve some of that tension

DWJSDating? said...

I have been reading . . . just didn't comment. Dark sides are nasty boogers - I hope you are doing well. I know you have been hurting a lot lately - was it b/c you started "talking" to me?!!? LOL!

Take care.

CameraDawktor said...

dwjsdating?-
Hardy har har you are soooo funnny! No, I wish it was as simple as just staying away from you!!

Been doing better but not as well as I was for the last two month. Had a lot of "head pressure" but not bad enough to need a shot.

Weird thing is, Benadryl has been helping me lately....long story how I figured that out...so a migraneur will do/take just about anything to help his/herself....I'm a walking apothecary!