5.23.2006

Mommy's-Disco-Shoes


Mommy's-Disco-Shoes
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.
Something to think about....

Sometimes we choose the paths our feet travel on (conciously or unconciously). They may be paths that are good and healthy, that build ourselves and others up, or we may choose ones that wind up at the destination called Trouble.

Other times, our feet may find themselves on paths that we would never, ever choose, but yet there we are. This is a difficult fact, but true. Life can bring many things our way that we just don't sign up for, but yet we are faced with walking them out, destination Unknown.

The first scenario affords us a luxury. If you find yourself on a path you've chosen and are unhappy with, you can get off at anytime. Of course, finding your way off may be difficult, but it is quite possible.

On the other hand, or foot so to speak, when on a path you've been forced to walk out, there is no getting off. You have to walk its course, however far, however long, until that part of your journey ends.

I have found myself on just this sort of path my whole life. Didn't choose it, didn't want it, don't like it, but yet here I am.

What's a girl to do when on such an unglamorous path?

Buy glamorous shoes, that's what!

No, in all seriousness, this has really been my life's struggle.

For a long time I was deluded enough to think that I was just a happy girl, skipping along on my little path, happy as a lark.

That was a big fat lie I had myself believing. Slowly, overtime, when the path became an uphill climb, rocky, dark, rainy and miserable, my happy-go-lucky delusion began to elude me. The oppressiveness of all the blackberry brambles on my path began to scratch me and as I bled, the journey became harder and harder to walk.

Extremely unglamorous my friends, very unglamorous.

In the darkest parts of the path, I truly felt I was all alone, abandoned, forgot about. I became so miserable that you just wouldn't have recognized me. I was quite hopeless.

I can see now, that at the times I felt most alone, I was surrounded by so much love, whether I could see it or not, whether I believed it or not.

Love sustained me. Maybe only by the skin-of-my-teeth, but it sustained me. Notice I didn't say that love got me off the path. I struggle with that sometimes, but less often than I used to. No, love didn't get me off the path, it just held my hand in the sunny parts, the shady parts and the dark and scarry parts.

Today I am thankful for the small things on my path.

I am thankful for shiney shoes that make me feel glamorous even when the path is a mine-field of cowpies.

I am thankful for tiny pebbles and agates that seem to jump out at me with their beauty on especially dark and rainy days, when the path is muddy.

I'm thankful for the people who walk with me for a while on my path, who will stop me for a hug break, or hold my hand part of the way.

I am thankful for the "I love you's" I hear, when the path gets so treacherous that I have to stop and take a break.

I am thankful for the smiles of strangers and loved ones that I encounter on my journey. And for kind words.

Sometimes on my path I have to really look hard for things to be thankful for, but they are always there, sometimes I just have to look harder. At other times, beautiful things just seem to jump out at me, in a sense screaming "hey look at me, I am here to bless you."

Finding beautiful moments on a difficult path can often be mind over matter. Some days its easier than others. Often times its just moment-by-moment.

Today I continue to walk, continue to put one foot in front of the other and look for simple treasures along the way. I try to keep my heart soft so the good moments can sink in and sustain me through the manure filled moments. Because as we all know, shit happens....

This public service announcement is brought to you by percocet and the letter P.

Message for the day: When encountering tough shit on your long journey, wear shiney shoes. You can always wash them off.

8 comments:

Tee said...

I really liked this post. Very well written and touching :)

I also, against the voice in my head yelling "Are you crazy?!" bought some "fancy shoes". They were plastic clogs covered in bright pink and orange flowers.

I felt so self concious at first but I loved them and couldn't deny it! Soon I began getting compliments from all kinds of people. My favorite was a teenage girl who was obviously one of the "popular girls". She said, "Hey! Cool shoes!" and just that simple statement made me so happy :)

CameraDawktor said...

Tee, thanks for the comment, and please let me see a pic of those shoes!

Suzanne R said...

Very thought-provoking and well-written entry! I like your message for the day especially well -- I agree with you totally. :-)

CameraDawktor said...

suzanne r-
Thanks! (my day turned out pretty good too, much better than it started!)

Gracie said...

I hear ya sistah!

http://hometown.aol.com/sthrngrace2/Iknow.html

DWJSDating? said...

What a beautiful and insightful post. I hope that many people continue to hold your hand and help you along your way. Maybe someday, your journey along this path will fork to a happier, more less dark one.

{{{hugs}}}

Grandma Jacki said...

I've been working way more than I want to so I have just been catching up on past blogs. I agree w/DWJSD. Oh, & thanks for the reminder of shiny shoes so I can wash them off! You're a sweetie.
GJ

CameraDawktor said...

Thanks DWJSDating? and her wonderful Mama Gma. Jackie!