This was our cozy little cabin we had last weekend. Gosh, I'm just getting done with the laundry (wasn't as bad this time because it wasn't raining) but I'm ready to go back already!
About a month ago I posted this: http://troublealwayshasadoor.blogspot.com/2006/05/where-you-can-find-my-post-today.html it's a link to another blog I started (which I need to update because I have a lot to add....) anyway, its about a medication I was going to start because of menstrual migraines. Well I've been on it about three weeks. It will take a few months before I know if it will help me or not, but a few days after I started taking it I started getting very irritable. Not as bad as when my bipolar was in full swing, but very reminiscent. Slowly over the last few weeks I've been getting worse. I had to quit watching baby JD, I've been having daily headaches and with the mood changes.....it's been much worse (in the past) but things have not been good! Basically, the other day, I realized that if I stayed on this medication I would have to go back on mood stabilizers.
It's kind of disappointing because I have been doing so well. My husband agrees that its one of the best year's we've had. But I have no choice but to address these headaches. I have to be willing to take all sorts of medications, ride out their side effects, and do trial and error ( human guinea pig). I'm not whinning or complaining here, just stating the facts. While it seems ridiculous to be on a birth control pill that is making me go insane only to go on more pills to help me stay sane, I just don't have a lot of options.
Fortunately if some of these new plans don't work the new Neurologist is going to try Botox (which I heard doesn't work for everyone) but shoot, it will get rid of the few wrinkles I have for a few months!
So my newest addition to my daily cocktail is one of the anti-convulsants I haven't tried yet. Lamictal. Supposedly there's few side effects (that's what they all say) only a rash (which is serious, stop immediately) but things couldn't get much worse so I'm going for it. I took my first one today and you have to work up slowly, I won't be at full dose until over a month from now. The good thing about him choosing a medicine like this is because its used to treat mood disturbances ( caused by my birth control pills) and migraines. This is, we hope, going to prevent them or decrease their frequency.
He wouldn't perscribe any new narcotics but I get those from my PC doc anyway, and he gave me a few samples of new triptans to try. I woke up with a whopper today and took the Axert he gave me. It helped, but didn't get rid of it completely so had to take the second pill. So far, its not impressing me. So next time I'll take the other one, its Frovatriptan. I think I've tried one sample of this before, but I'll see how it works. I'm sure I could call and get a third choice of something if these don't work very good.
I find myself thinking that I hope the Lamictal will help, but at the same time I have to be realistic, when about a dozen or so things haven't worked, why would this one?
He (my new Doc) asked me what I hoped to get from him treating me. I looked @ my husband sheepishly because he already knew the answer, and would have said the truth if I uttered a fib. "Honestly, I've had so many things not work that I just don't have any hopes that this will help at all." Sad, but true....anyway, he said, "I had a feeling you were going to say that."
I really liked the guy. He seemed compassionate, he listened, he didn't look @ me like I was a freak or a nutso, so I feel pretty good about going back to him, even though its about 3 months from now. I also have to go back to the psychiatrist, 'cause with these birth control pills I have to be smart and make sure I am under a Doctor's care. It sucks, but the thought of going off these before I see if they are going to help is worse than sucking it up and getting loaded up with a lot more pills. I guess that's the thing about migraines, you'll take or do just about anything to get rid of them.
So back to the cabin, most people think camping is a lot of work, but I feel less guilty sitting around doing nothing around a campfire than doing the same thing at home. And until these side effects get managed, that's pretty much where I'm at, feeling like a human slug. Besides, the fresh air feels good, I like smelling like campfire, hearing the birds and taking a hike when I get a momentary burst of energy. I also like watching the kids think of things to play with each other and ride their bikes. We have such a steep and dangerous driveway, they can't ride bikes @ home and our road is very busy with no sidewalks, so they can't ride there either. Camping is a great place for them to venture off a short way from Mom and feel a little independent.
So hope you don't feel baited into reading this post by wondering what I'm going to say about a nice, cozy little cabin and BAM I hit you with how I've turned into psycho bitch lately. But you know what, there are thousands more like me and maybe one of them right now is doing a google search in a state of desperation and low and behold she finds little old me, and sees I have endearing qualities while trying to plodge along in my little life of suffering. Sometimes its encouraging to know that others out there are willing to share a little slice of their difficulties in hopes of making someone else feel a little better. Shoot, if I can't make myself feel better I might as well make someobody else, at least I'm not wasting airspace then! Ha!
Please don't feel like you have to comment and find something kind to say, silence is fine on this one. It's just an honest update and its my writing space, so it feels good to write!
